Through having my daughter, God expanded the purpose of my art beyond myself. He showed me that he didn’t give me this dream just for me.
I clutched at the letters on my keyboard, holding on, praying they would form into the right words. This was supposed to be a pivotal scene in my novel, but it was falling flat—emotionless and boring. I needed more time to crank out these pages. But the clock struck feeding time, and it was my turn. I not-so-gently closed my laptop and prepared a bottle for Violet.
I scooped her up, and we settled into her rocking chair. As she fell asleep with a belly full of milk, I sang that tune from Matthew 6:33—“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
Instead of setting her down in her crib, I kept her in my arms for a while, admiring how when she was sleeping, her round face looked more like the little baby she was months ago, not the near-toddler she was at the time. While she slept, I rocked her back and forth, praying and meditating on Matthew 6:33—no screens, no notepad.
Through his Word, God refocused my pursuit from building my own little paperback kingdom to seeking first the kingdom of God. Slowly, in my prayers, I connected the plot points of the scene with my main character’s thoughts and feelings that were driving her forward.
Some say that having a baby will derail or even destroy your dreams. I found the opposite to be true. Having my daughter expanded my lifelong dream of writing a book, and she deepened my motivation to achieve it.
1. My Baby Helped Me Take My Goals More Seriously
I had wanted to write a book for years, working on it casually. I would write on some Saturday mornings and feel super accomplished for the rest of the week. I assumed I would finish it eventually.
After my daughter was born, that luxurious free time evaporated. Caring for her filled all the spare time I had. I couldn’t work on this novel in four-hour chunks like I could before. I realized that if I did not set aside regular time and discipline myself to show up and do the work, I would not finish that book anytime in the next decade.
I started waking up every day at 5 a.m. to write, like an appointment I kept with myself. This new routine wasn’t perfect. Sometimes I woke up late or Violet woke up early. Those were frustrating days, but they didn’t destroy me because I knew I had another appointment the next day. Finishing my book was still possible if I just kept going.
My baby helped me value time like I never had before. The scarcity of that resource pushed me to face the questions: Was God really calling me to do this? Was this a real goal in my life? If so, then I needed to guard space for it to happen.
2. My Baby Helped Me Take Myself Less Seriously
Now that I was serious about achieving my goal of writing this book and had established a daily routine to accomplish it, I felt I had everything I needed. I fancied myself "Queen Discipline" who would power through and get it done! But God had more lessons for me to learn through raising my daughter. Caring for her taught me to take myself less seriously and find moments of rest, even as I steadily moved forward and worked faithfully on creating this book.
I realized that even with all my drive and discipline to push ahead and write, forcing the process denies the story a chance to develop properly, like dough needs time to rise. Similar to God's fourth commandment to rest on the Sabbath, Violet made me pause and step away from the work periodically. I couldn't labor intensively on the book for hours at a time every day and eventually burn out because she needed my care and attention too—whether to change her diaper, give her a bath, or simply play together.
In the end, my daughter’s needs were a helpful disruption to my writing schedule. God used her to remind me of the importance of rest and keep me from obsessing over finishing this book. I had to learn flexibility as well as determination to find a rhythm that allowed me to be present for my family while also making steady progress on my goal. Playtime with Violet helped me approach my author career in a sustainable way.
(Plus, I am convinced that regularly reading her picture books aloud with full voices helped me not faint at my book launch party when I read a sample of my book into a microphone before a crowd.)
3. My Baby Made the Book Better
Without having Violet in my life, Becoming Lottie Moon wouldn’t be as good as it is. The book is about Lottie Moon, but really, it’s about a family and how they all raised her to be who she became—one of history’s bravest and most famous missionaries. My experiences with Violet helped me empathize with my characters better and write more authentic and relatable family moments of laughter and I’m-at-the-end-of my-rope-but-I-still-love-you.
When Lottie’s younger sister struggled to take her first wobbly steps in chapter five, I had prime examples of what that scene might look and feel like. When Lottie’s mother read the Bible and missionary stories to her children, I could understand the ache of her heart for her children to know and choose to trust in God.
The daily joys and struggles of parenting infused the story with more heart and deeper truth.
4. My Baby Made My Dream Bigger
Somewhere along the way between Violet’s birth and the launch of this book, my publishing dream intertwined with my dreams for her future. I wrote Becoming Lottie Moon with her generation in mind. I wanted to give them a story that would delight, thrill, and inspire them to wholeheartedly follow God into the adventure he has planned for them.
Through having my daughter, God expanded the purpose of my art beyond myself. He showed me that he didn’t give me this dream just for me. When God blesses his people, it’s not only for their enjoyment but also to bless the world and ultimately to further glorify him.
In God’s miraculous upside-down economy, when we “seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33), he will provide all that we need. Like Lottie Moon, the protagonist in my story, when I gave God all that I had, he gave me all that I ever wanted, which turned out to be himself. Now that I’ve published my book and started to see its impact on readers, I’m profoundly blessed. But I see now that no matter what goal I achieve, knowing God is better. I wouldn’t do this over again without him. Readers will move on to other books, and my books will eventually gather dust on shelves. But God will never leave me, and his glory will never fade.
Whatever dreams you have, I pray that my story will embolden you to surrender them to God, “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20). Watch and see what wonders he will do!
Photo Credit: ©Getty/MoMo-Productions
Emily Hall writes stories with nuance and grace about everyday people who have become extraordinary legends. She is fueled by cookie dough, kickboxing, and library visits. Whether it’s the Library of Virginia, historical society libraries, or story time with her little one, Emily loves spending time in libraries. She lives in Richmond, Virginia with her family. Visit Emily online and sign up for her newsletter at EmilyHallBooks.com to get a FREE short story prequel to her novel, Becoming Lottie Moon.
